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[04;25;08] |
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music |
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daddy's eyes - the killers |
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my dearest aaron,
i don't know what you did to get inside my head like this.
but you are. i wake up hoping that you're next to me. everytime the phone rings my heart jumps. everytime i log into my 'space i hope for a message from you.
i may not know much...but i know how i feel when you're holding me. and i know that you're lonely. all i want is to make you happy. i know you can feel whatever it is when we're together.
i'm just as afraid of getting my heart broken as you are.
yours truly,
lyndsey.
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[04;14;08] |
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what do you do when you feel completely empty?
and nothing...not music, not company, not a night sky full of stars, and sometimes not even drugs can fill that void?
i just want to disappear.
i'm falling for him. and i'm scared that all he wants is sex. since i'm giving him that already why would he want to date me?
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[03;12;08] |
joshua overdosed today.
this morning i went over and we got into a fight.
he screamed, i yelled. he shoved me, i slapped him in his face.
i told him that he'd miss me when he came down off those goddamn pills and that once i walk out of that door, i'm not coming back.
i spun out in his yard and left a nice, deep tire track then drove away very pissed off.
i went to andrew for comfort. stayed about an hour.
joshua called me and mumbled that i couldn't understand.
i hauled ass back to his house. when i got there i could hear casey yelling from inside.
joshua stumbled out onto the porch, fell over and vomitted everywhere. we tried to get him to the car but he couldn't really walk. he wasn't coherent at all and couldn't tell me what he took.
after ten minutes of trying to wrestle him, i called the ambulance.
when they finally got there, along with three police officers they asked about ten million questions.
joshua couldn't walk out to the stretcher. at this point i'm sobbing again. all joshua said to me was "stop that." and then waved to casey.
i tried going to see him at the hospital but made the mistake of telling the nurse i was his girlfriend and not his sister.
he didn't sound like he wanted to see me very much anyway.
he blamed me for the whole thing and told me that i "wouldn't let him have fun. i just caused him trouble."
i'm not sure how much more i can take before i snap.
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[02;22;08] |
dearest kaelin and allie,
i know that i've been neglecting you.
it's not me.
i can't face the days anymore. there's something inside me.
something black.
something vicious.
something that's eating away at my insides slowly.
slowly, but surely.
there's an edge. i can see it.
i'm drawn towards it. all i can hope is that i survive the fall.
i love you both. with all my heart.
or what's left of it. what's left of what used to be me.
i know that i need to open my eyes.
i know that i need to see what's happening.
i don't have the strength.
all i can do is hope to be totally destroyed so that i can start again.
that's the only way.
wait for me. when i hit rock bottom i need someone to be there.
i love you. i love you. i love you.
never doubt it.
i'm taking the plunge.
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[12;31;07] |
why is it that every fucking man in my life is trying to keep me in a fucking cage?
my dad. my boyfriend.
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck you all.
i'm the kind of girl that likes to fly.
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[12;9;07] |
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music |
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my speakers are broken. |
] |
i have been very discouraged lately.
i really hate my job. i'm fucking lonely.
my dad won't let me out of the house.
i'm tired. and everyone has been pointing it out.
maybe christmas break will make everything better.
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[08;16;07] |
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music |
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i'm not lockdown - treal |
] |
my life is a goddamn roller coaster.
fuckin'. yeah.
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